tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31785355755670590732011-11-27T16:00:38.936-08:00Well, my life is chaotic. Therefore, everything you see here will relate to my thoughts/experiences/problems during a period of my life that is, in essence, in flux.JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.comBlogger1541100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-2755522989454074102011-08-26T17:35:00.000-07:002011-08-26T17:46:14.362-07:00

Same word, different meanings: Dictionary-- flex·i·ble adj. 1. a. Capable of being bent or flexed; pliable; b. Capable of being bent repeatedly without injury or damage. 2. Susceptible to influence or persuasion; tractable. 3. Responsive to change; adaptable: Thesaurus-- Flexible Adj. 1. flexible - capable of being changed; "flexible schedules" 2. flexible - able to flex; able to bend easily

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-61950411943152345032011-07-24T14:27:00.000-07:002011-07-24T14:50:50.742-07:00

Today I am struggling with the pointlessness of life. If there is no point to life, what's the point of living? Well, there isn't one. There is no point/reason/purpose.For those of us who feel they need a "purpose" in life in order to keep living, this is one hell of a realization to have. I can't say this is the first time I have realized there is no point to life. In fact, I realize and

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-90991621597207964732011-05-02T22:55:00.000-07:002011-05-02T23:02:26.790-07:00

I like ideas. I like coming up with ideas, thinking of all the possible things that will make something not work as planned, and then resolving those problems before they even occur. I like being creative and bouncing around ideas and so on.I don't like being practical, dealing with logistics or boring details. Unfortunately, if I'm going to have this lovely coffee shop I want to own, I have to

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-35437618640166862212011-02-18T10:20:00.000-08:002011-02-18T10:39:30.167-08:00

Am I a glutton for punishment? Am I absolutely nuts? Why am I rushing headfirst into a situation that is practically guaranteed to be painful, distressful, fraught with endless battles and strife, and altogether more trouble than it's worth?My impulse is to run and hide. But I am sick of running and hiding. When it comes to fight or flight, I always choose flight unless I am standing up for

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-62629968987214120562010-12-11T13:23:00.000-08:002010-12-11T13:43:22.757-08:00

I don't seem to be able to live in the present. Even while I'm in it, I'm thinking about it in past-tense and the possible futures in the present-tense. Because I don't know what the future will be, I come up with several (sometimes many) possible scenarios and run them all in my head. My boyfriend calls this "future tripping." I don't know how not to future trip. The future is all I really have

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-83041676065445669372010-12-01T21:59:00.000-08:002010-12-01T22:19:51.742-08:00

First of all, I'm going to reassure y'all that I have no intention of killing myself. I just find one of my responses to overwhelming depression rather curious.It seems that every time I get really depressed and feel completely hopeless about things turning around, my first thought... my very first thought... is that I should just off myself. That would fix everything, forever. No more problems.

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-22516873475997876812010-11-25T06:12:00.000-08:002010-11-25T06:37:41.220-08:00

So, I recently started a new medication, and one of the lovely side effects is insomnia. I don't really need any help in the sleeplessness category. I have had problems with insomnia at least as far back as 4 years old. My normal category of insomnia is "trouble falling asleep." When things get really bad, I wake up in the middle of the night too, but that's pretty rare. However, now that I am

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-88333199905467122152010-08-13T19:32:00.001-07:002010-08-13T19:42:39.164-07:00

I'm trying to buy a "new" car and get rid of my old car, but it's not working so well. The car I was going to look at this weekend was sold while I was out of town. And my car has been having progressively worse problems, so it may be very difficult to sell. However, I don't want to put ANY more money into it. At this point, it's getting ridiculous. Now that I finally got it starting consistently

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-3385266785525418882010-05-31T01:44:00.001-07:002010-05-31T02:00:19.397-07:00

Alrighty, so I'm doing what I can to get out of my job, but it may take me a while.I am taking the GRE on June 8th, and applying for Grad schools (or at least one, once I figure out which one I want to go to more). I found out about a month ago that some schools are still taking applications for this Fall! When I found that out, I got super excited. I thought, "I can be out of my job by fall!!!"

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-69640472928425314972010-03-01T21:06:00.001-08:002010-03-01T21:09:10.632-08:00

haha. what a turn around. I still have my job and now I don't want it.I was so convinced that I was going to lose my job that I detached myself from it and now I have to re-attach because I didn't lose my job. Well, needless to say, I'm having a VERY hard time with the re-attaching part of this scenario. *sigh*I just want to leave. Do something else. But I'm not finding a whole lot of anything

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-16851851090759996112010-01-22T18:40:00.001-08:002010-01-22T18:52:14.342-08:00

Alright, so the ugly truth is this:I am probably about to lose my job. :(I work for the state, and the state is weird. So, here's a little explanation for those of you who don't know how it works (I didn't before I worked for the state... hell, I still don't totally get it). As a state worker, the longer you stay, the safer you are (for the most part). It's called seniority.Well, 31 of 97

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-28465040480259022662010-01-22T18:30:00.000-08:002010-01-22T18:38:07.180-08:00

Hey my lovely readers. I have been soooo neglectful! I'm sorry. I'm a bad, bad blogger.But, I have some good news amidst all my bad news:So, remember me talking about choreographing a dance? Well, after that was all said and done, I wrote an article about the experience and submitted it to a bellydance magazine. I don't have time to explain all the drama and ridiculous stress surrounding all that

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-88446408615850465742009-12-10T22:49:00.000-08:002009-12-10T23:10:50.803-08:00

I have a very old memory, one of my earliest, of playing frisbee with my dad while my mother was at an appointment of some sort. I had to have been younger than 6 because my parents separated right before I turned 6, but other than that, I don't really have a clue of how old I was.My dad and I were throwing the frisbee back and forth, oftentimes having to go grab it because of a bad throw, bad

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-53545377436125235242009-10-09T20:30:00.000-07:002009-10-09T20:38:08.685-07:00

I'm turning 26 in less than a month, and the closer my birthday gets, the worse I feel about my life thus far. I don't feel I have done enough with my life. In fact, I don't feel like I have really done anything at all. And when I try to tell people how I feel, they laugh at me like I'm being ridiculous. They tell me all that crap about how I'm still young and have plenty of time and blah blah

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-14345900455461487842009-09-25T21:48:00.001-07:002009-09-25T22:02:37.852-07:00

I am sooooo tired! And sooooo busy!I am working on lots of bellydance stuff. Yesterday I performed a duet at my work "talent show," next weekend I am performing at Artswalk, Halloween I am performing a few dances in the first Act and then the troupe is performing MY choreography. Eek! How in the world did that happen? I haven't been dancing very long, I don't know what I'm doing, I've never

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-87955181908379002702009-08-29T13:47:00.000-07:002009-08-29T14:04:14.399-07:00

So, I have become obsessed with the idea of decorating my apartment. And I've decided to do the rooms as follows:Bedroom: Fancy Victorian Brothel (I would just say Victorian, but I want dark colors, which makes me think of a brothel for some reason)Hallway: Victorian boots (I store my boots in the hallway, so it kinda works)Living Room: MedievalKitchen/Dining Room: TuscanWhat do they all have in

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-40819464107806213892009-08-12T18:52:00.000-07:002009-08-12T19:06:27.905-07:00

So, apparently I refuse to allow myself to be happy. Sad eh? And the reason I refuse to allow myself to be happy...? Well, because I have one humungous giant fear of loss. I am afraid that it will be more devastating to me to become sad again if I allow myself to be happy than if I just stay sad. Or, more accurately, when I notice myself feeling "good," I get super anxious and I hold back as much

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-82029088475233215642009-07-24T20:47:00.000-07:002009-07-24T21:16:51.710-07:00

I am battling with myself about doing the whole Facebook thing. I only did MySpace because I could have an alias. I like my internet anonymity. Of course, if you search hard enough you can piece together clues from my blogs and figure out exactly who I am... but that would take effort on your part. And, it would be slightly easier on MySpace because I talk about which bellydance troupe I dance

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-33297171025274669662009-07-03T18:21:00.001-07:002009-07-03T18:27:48.285-07:00

I feel so overwhelmed.I thought I was going to have a little sea of calm between Relay for Life stuff and summer bellydance performances. I was soooo very wrong.So, I have a performance mid-July, three in the first 9 days of August (actually four if you consider that we are two sets on one of the days in August). And I am supposed to be organizing/putting together the zombie thing (from scratch)

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-62154052455716558072009-06-24T22:05:00.000-07:002009-06-24T22:07:41.528-07:00

I want to run away. Far far away. I know it wouldn't solve anything, but it seems the only attractive option. Unfortunately, I can't run away from myself (well, not if I want to remain alive). I would really like a break from "me" right now. I'm getting sick of myself.

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-59985708348051523852009-06-08T20:04:00.000-07:002009-06-08T20:13:41.429-07:00

I'm really starting to dislike "people" again. Yes, people. In general. The whole lot of them.And I am having a very hard time not putting an "anonymous comment" on a particular person's MySpace page, telling him exactly what I think of him. I really, really, really want to bitch him out. More than that, I want to do it in person, but I am not really capable of anything like that. So, I sit and

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-58315295673078649072009-05-30T12:48:00.000-07:002009-05-30T12:58:13.540-07:00

Other than the stupid problems with my apartment, like my dishwasher not working... (it oozes orange-ish yellow water all over the floor) and things like that, I am quite enjoying living alone. I get to bathe/shower with the door open (which means I can hear my music much better), I get to run around pretty much naked (except that it's so hot in my apartment right now that I have fans blowing

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-84296890593455845612009-05-21T20:46:00.000-07:002009-05-21T20:47:26.130-07:00

What does it matter if you have a bunch of stuff the way you like it if you have no one to share it with?

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-13844842560385069572009-05-21T18:03:00.000-07:002009-05-21T18:34:22.942-07:00

Alrighty, here it is, a lovely story for you:I tried on a dress at the store a while back (quite a while back, actually), and it looked pretty nice. It wasn't perfect, but I wasn't looking for perfect at that moment, just a dress. So, I bought it. I wore it a few times, and decided it was quite comfortable, very practical, and met most of my needs. So, I ended up wearing it pretty much all the

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-33413510612758597442009-05-21T17:53:00.000-07:002009-05-21T18:03:05.272-07:00

I have a computer!!! Yay!!!And, hopefully I will have regular access to internet soon. We shall see...My "new" computer is pretty nice. It's used, but in pretty darn good condition, considering. And it seems to work well, so far anyway. The keyboard is going to take some getting used to. It's a little different than the old one. And it is super skinny/lightweight compared to the old one (but

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-9146097730523387802009-05-16T22:18:00.000-07:002009-05-16T22:21:31.805-07:00

My computer died a little while ago, and when it was working, my internet was super spotty. So, that's why you haven't seen anything from me for a while and you probably won't see blog posts from me for at least a few weeks (right now I'm borrowing internet at a friend's place right now). Sadness....Anyway, wish me good computer/internet karma so I can come back and post something fabulosa on my

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-51124687935302564792009-04-22T18:26:00.000-07:002009-04-22T18:27:19.133-07:00

Blah. I am such a mule. I keep digging my heels into the sand and refusing to move forward. But, it's ridiculous. I'm only fighting against myself. Oy.

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-89626045388391000322009-04-06T19:56:00.000-07:002009-04-06T19:58:55.990-07:00

I have one foot in the past, one foot in the future, and nothing in the present.Where are my damn presents!?!? Why don't I ever get a present? It's always about the before and after, but never about the now. I want my present now!*sigh*

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-70764194345654930902009-03-31T19:05:00.001-07:002009-03-31T19:06:12.344-07:00

So I might be moving in 3 weeks...

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-8773933550338625662009-03-23T18:40:00.000-07:002009-03-23T19:01:51.694-07:00

Well, well, well. Here you are again. I thought you were done with this? I thought you had learned since the last time? What about the nine times prior? I can only count two times that you managed to go a different route. You must like it here. Well, welcome back. Take your shoes off and stay a while. You might as well make yourself at home. Stay as long as you need. You need not feel obligated

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-13477842417638482442009-03-21T23:02:00.001-07:002009-03-21T23:02:36.382-07:00

I'm fighting a losing battle, and I feel like a failure.

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-45585333716147576612009-03-15T13:50:00.001-07:002009-03-15T14:07:09.760-07:00

Okay, so for the cost of my coffee today, I need to change my "wage" rate because I didn't think about taxes getting taken out. So, it is closer to $13 per hour.However, I definitely went more than 12 miles (I couldn't turn left due to crazy traffic, so I had to turn right and take the long way around). I would say add two miles (we have screwed up streets here). That really doesn't change my

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-74356349271611454402009-03-15T11:44:00.000-07:002009-03-15T12:00:01.226-07:00

I want a coffee, or more accurately, I want a 16-oz iced, soy, french vanilla mocha. But to get a decent one, I have to drive about 12 miles round-trip (for the closest place). The drink, itself, costs about $4.50. My car gets about 17.5 mi/gal. So, this trip to get coffee will cost about one gallon of gas (assuming burning oil, which my car does a lot of, will cost the same as an extra 5.5 miles

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-51090549271881123122009-03-14T14:14:00.000-07:002009-03-14T14:48:56.650-07:00

I want to crawl in a hole.Is it really better to have loved someone and then lose them than it is to just not love anyone? They both suck. But which one is really worse?I guess I would agree that it is better to have loved and lost if you get to have love again later (but not if every love you have is lost again). If you don't get to have love again, well that's just awful. You're probably better

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-61006841407616135042009-03-02T21:58:00.000-08:002009-03-02T22:23:45.330-08:00

1) I have yet to officially break things off with the girly. We were never officially anything, and I haven't seen her in weeks, so I'm not really sure if it is even necessary at this point. She seems busy, off doing her thing. Every once in a while I hear from her and/or ask her how she is doing, but the conversation never really goes anywhere.However, I'm thinking it would be best to have a

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-84816876224184454972009-02-27T22:21:00.000-08:002009-02-27T22:23:53.019-08:00

I can go to land of make believe and I can pretend But in the end I still have no friends Do do do do do do do do do Do do do do do do do do do You can go to land of make believe and you can pretend But in the end you still have no friends You can go to land of make believe and you can pretend But in the end you still have no friends Do do do do do do do do do Do do do do do do do do do You are

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-31104415674907785932009-02-27T21:04:00.001-08:002009-02-27T21:21:17.915-08:00

The Zombie dance is rolling...We had our first meeting. Not everyone showed up, and a few that did show were late, but we had it. Right now it looks like everyone's favorite song option is "Land of the dead," by Voltaire. So, we're going to do a bellydance performance to a song that sounds like we should be swing-dancing to it. lol. It will be fun and crazy and good stuff. :)Unfortunately, the

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-3850288484802972532009-02-24T23:25:00.000-08:002009-02-24T23:33:01.358-08:00

Okay, so what the hell?Answer me this: is it normal for someone to not want to see the person they are dating more than once a month? Is it normal for someone to not want to talk to the person they are dating more than once a week?Sure, it makes sense if said person is very busy, is seeing someone else, or something of that sort. But, that's not the case.I know I am extreme the other direction,

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-43376940706977195312009-02-17T19:59:00.000-08:002009-02-17T20:01:51.714-08:00

http://www.zeitgeistmovie.com/I only watched Zeitgeist: Addendum (on Youtube), but that alone was about 2 hours. It was very interesting and I agree with a large portion of it. I have my reservations about some of the information/arguments/solutions, but overall I think it is well worth watching. Check it out. If you can only watch part of it, just watch the last 30 minutes or so.

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-21357517308020097692009-02-16T23:20:00.000-08:002009-02-17T00:01:31.053-08:00

I spent $90 today at a fabric store. Who knew cheap, mass-produced fabric could be so damn expensive, even when on sale?!?!I bought fabric for accent skirts (2), circle skirts (1 1/4, I already had most of what I needed for one of them), trim for bra tops (2, even though I don't have any bras to put it on yet), sleeves for a top (that I don't have yet), harem pants (1), and some stuff to shred

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-68409147519873565262009-02-15T16:52:00.000-08:002009-02-15T17:04:52.961-08:00

I've got a lot going on right now, so I will have to get back with updates later. But here is a snippit:- I'm going to be performing (bellydance, for the first time) on April 4th- I'm in charge of putting together the zombie bellydance stuff that will be performed in October--- I am leading the group that will choose music, choreograph, and find costuming for it (plus, whatever else happens)- I'm

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-5781192419087317082009-02-10T22:45:00.000-08:002009-02-10T23:15:08.042-08:00

This morning, I was convinced that I was about to be dumped. Now that it is almost 11pm, I am convinced that I should take my leave. So, I get a text message saying something or other that basically was equivalent to "we need to talk," and based on the other text messages I got later that day, it sounded a lot like it was going to be an "it's not you, it's me" sort of talk. I got anxious and

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-3728596997549992032009-02-07T20:37:00.001-08:002009-02-07T21:15:10.450-08:00

I feel like a circus freak. Or something akin to a circus freak. People like me because I amuse them in some way or other. That's it. I'm an amusing oddity. They have their amusement from me, and then they move on to whatever is next.I'm a vegetarian who doesn't like most vegetables. I don't drink alcohol. I don't smoke. I don't do any illegal drugs. I rarely drink carbonated or caffeinated

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-43060226819189714552009-02-06T20:38:00.001-08:002009-02-06T20:42:40.275-08:00

I am baffled. Is it really possible to get NO response to my jokes? Nothing. No smile. No laugh. No eyebrow raise of disapproval. No smirk. No eye rolling. No comment about how silly/ridiculous/weird/etc I am. No acknowledgement at all! They are pretty out there. I expect some sort of response, doesn't necessarily have to be positive (although that would be nice).I am baffled. Seriously

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-19804613345501230192009-02-02T20:56:00.000-08:002009-02-02T21:09:48.509-08:00

I don't really have anything to say. I just thought "Form and DysFunction" was fun to say. It popped in my head earlier today. Perhaps it was the Frank Lloyd Wright architecture that was on the front page of one of the newspapers I processed at work today. Perhaps it was the current economy being compared to the Great Depression. Perhaps it was the talk of printing 3D (something about

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-12039619350196279732009-01-31T22:11:00.000-08:002009-01-31T22:37:22.880-08:00

Hmmm... well, so I had a date on Tuesday night. Let's back up a bit though...I was having one of my lonely, sad, pathetic moments again, and I decided (for some strange reason) that I should try to find a woman to date. It's been almost 7 years since my one and only relationship with a girl dissolved. And I've thought about trying to date another woman off and on since then. But it's been so long

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-66840613314307780972009-01-27T19:00:00.001-08:002009-01-27T19:00:23.776-08:00

I've got a date. I've got a date. I've got a date. Hey hey hey hey.Or something like that...

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-85971941958086718492009-01-25T20:27:00.000-08:002009-01-25T20:28:53.834-08:00

Why is it that I always feel lonelier when it's dark?

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-4876477931375359772009-01-22T22:11:00.000-08:002009-01-22T22:13:04.000-08:00

The unemployment rate is about 7.1% in Washington now, and rising (Boeing and Microsoft just laid off a bunch of people recently, and the layoffs just keep coming).Vote on my silly poll! Goodness! There has to be at least one more person reading my blog that hasn't vote. ;)Okay, well, if not, the winner so far is for me to stick my head in the sand and hope it all blows over. Oy.

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-11025693495850951872009-01-20T17:54:00.001-08:002009-01-20T17:59:17.099-08:00

So, I'm a little slow at this. But, here is my first nomination for the "Nice Blog Award." Ready? Wait for it... wait for it... drum roll please... wait for it... and the winner is:http://hungryzombiecouture.blogspot.com/I love this lady's sense of humor. Her blog is a lot of fun to read, even if the actual topic isn't up your alley. She is a chemistry teacher who sews for fun. She's Canadian,

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-80531335003537878382009-01-03T23:57:00.000-08:002009-01-04T00:17:46.566-08:00

Lookee what I got? A "Nice Blog Award" for my flux-y little blogness. Isn't it cute? :)I never actually expected to get an award for my silly blogness. Perhaps I should give an acceptance speech like they do on those silly award shows.... hmmm... who to thank... who to thank...Well, first I would like to thank all my fans. ;) Without you, I'm nothing (or whatever it is famous people say to make

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-43670579547543065712009-01-03T09:45:00.001-08:002009-01-03T09:46:51.461-08:00

My car won't start again!!!!!I have a brand new battery, a brand new alternator, plenty of gas, blah blah blah, and it won't freakin start! I just put $1000 into my silly car. Why won't it start? I can't afford a new car, but I surely can't afford to keep putting money into this one!

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-62022982933677415712008-12-22T20:38:00.000-08:002008-12-25T21:33:46.618-08:00

Argh! I hate snow! It's not supposed to snow here! I have been stuck at home WAY too many days over the last couple of weeks because of snow! :(My car is stuck, AGAIN! I'm going to have to dig it out in the morning and HOPE that I can actually get it out of my neighborhood. The ridiculous thing is, once I get two streets out, the roads are completely CLEAR! But my street is beyond ridiculous.

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-53398521171736225672008-12-22T20:23:00.000-08:002008-12-22T20:32:36.366-08:00

One of my friends has informed me of her "sleeping ninja skills," which sound quite impressive. I think that beats out the "nunchuck skills" of Napolean Dynamite. What do you think? The reason they are "sleeping ninja skills" is that she only has these skills in her dreams, but in waking life they do not exist. Case in point, she dropped her phone when telling me about her ninja skills.

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-63569100053915065572008-12-16T20:36:00.000-08:002008-12-16T20:37:13.495-08:00

*)@!#$*&@!#$%()*()*&@!#%@!#%*&%^#@$!*()@#!$&(&%#*!^!@)#(&%)(#&!*&(*@!#%*&(^*(%)&!@*&#*^*%&#@!()(@*#%$)*&%^#@!*&@*#($&^&@$##"*^)&@)$"&&%$@$@^&()&*)_*&%*&$*^$#^%#^$#@$##)!(*%#$@#@!%^&*)(*_(*&%^%$@##@$^^&*&(*()()&*(^%#@$@#$$@#%^^&*&(*&)(*()_()&(*%#$%$@#$#%^^&&*(*&()*)()(#$(#*#@@&@($%(^))^%^(($^%%$#$&^*&&_(__(*&

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-52896070933711565962008-11-22T02:53:00.001-08:002008-11-22T02:53:10.625-08:00

I'm alone

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-23745742264530805252008-11-18T20:27:00.001-08:002008-11-18T22:13:25.220-08:00

Hmm....So, I'm taking bellydance classes. I'm currently in the "Beyond Beginner" class, and starting in January I will be in the "Intermediate" class (which is a funny name since there is no "Advanced" class that I know of). I'm also taking side classes to learn particular dances. For instance (starting yesterday), I am learning a "Turkish Rom" dance, which is difficult for me because the music

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-33106243148351803702008-11-10T22:38:00.001-08:002008-11-10T22:40:28.101-08:00

It seems that when I see doom directly in my path I slam on the gas pedal while simultaneously trying to slam on the brakes. But for some reason, my brakes don't work. I'm speeding, speeding, speeding to my doom, speeding, speeding, speeding to my doom, speeding, speeding, speeding, yes I am.Oy.

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-41577536699273293992008-10-26T09:49:00.000-07:002008-10-26T09:59:32.309-07:00

I signed up to bring pumpkin cookies to my work Halloween party. So, I decided to Google "vegan pumpkin cookies" just for the hell of it (less work for me to figure out how to leave out eggs if I can find a vegan recipe). And I came across some of the yummiest recipes ever. Mmmm.... cornbread, walnut, and pear stuffing....pumpkin oatmeal cookies with raisins (I will be putting in craisins instead

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-32966605445437307612008-10-24T21:51:00.000-07:002008-10-24T21:57:21.538-07:00

Blah. I'm home, alone, on a Friday night. Yay me!I watched a whole season of The Big Bang Theory tonight.Yeah, I don't even like TV.I was supposed to go to "Game night" at somebody's house, but I decided it was best to stay home considering that I didn't think the guy who invited me would really want to see me tonight. I had to be completely black-and-white clear with him (and I don't believe in

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-14695507248928298962008-10-18T19:51:00.000-07:002008-10-18T20:04:57.959-07:00

...okay, so there were no visible boogey-men or other men last night. Yay!I was thinking earlier today, right after reading a chapter of the book I'm in the middle of right now, that I do actually know what I'm meant to do. The thought came because there was mention in the book of this lady being a hunter, not because she does any actual hunting, but because it's her natural inclination. She has

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-40969687749933697302008-10-17T23:32:00.000-07:002008-10-17T23:37:41.970-07:00

I like having the house to myself, but it's kind of creepy when I hear noises in the house and I know no one is here except me. I'm a little afraid to leave my room. What if a boogey-man gets me? Okay, so I'm not afraid of boogey-men, but I am afraid of robbers and rapists and other such not-so-nice people that might just happen to decide to enter the house uninvited.Argh. Good thing I have a

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-17049010903390049242008-10-14T18:37:00.000-07:002008-10-14T18:58:35.456-07:00

How does one go about making a decision? What are the steps involved?I'm fabulous at weighing all the options and seeing tons of possibilities (and problems!). I just seem to have no ability to actually make the decision, and once I find I've made one, I have difficulty with follow-through. It seems that regardless of what I do, it will be wrong. I don't like my options (in any situation).

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-24665522573812469472008-10-11T22:54:00.000-07:002008-10-11T23:07:49.476-07:00

Okay, so I haven't been very prolific lately. I was helping a friend move, my car decided not to start, and my time keeps getting kidnapped. Argh!Well, my car finally started, so I guess I better figure out what is going on with it so that I can get it to keep starting.I went to look at an apartment today so I could move to a place closer to a busline (for the next time my car breaks down). This

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-65655871104567653432008-09-22T19:45:00.000-07:002008-09-22T19:53:51.156-07:00

Hmm... I am not an Authentic self. Although I try, I seem unable to transcend the cultural strictures that hold me back. I struggle against them, finding myself then having to struggle against the counter-culture. I never really feel like I fit in any "culture," but I have a frustrating desire to fit-in. But, at the same time, I really don't want to. I don't fit. But, because I still have

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-66709055678906159612008-09-18T23:04:00.000-07:002008-09-18T23:10:04.975-07:00

It's been a while since I wasted a whole night playing on the internet. I kind of missed it. :)I played on a forum. I added stuff to my blog. I watched YouTube videos. I sent some e-mails, listened to some music, and watched octopuses do crazy things. All in all, it was quite satisfying.Hmm...too bad I have to go to work in the morning. I'm quite enjoying my time to myself. I should take it more

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-65014285887694727612008-09-12T21:28:00.000-07:002008-09-12T21:35:27.462-07:00

I've never really felt much of a connection when listening to the Smashing Pumpkins. But, for some reason, tonight I'm feeling it big time. It's very odd. It's not as strong as what I used to feel with Nirvana, but it's still something. And something is (sometimes) better than nothing. Other times, though, something is worse than nothing because something is not everything. Hmmm... more thoughts

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-25660524241866490512008-09-12T21:23:00.000-07:002008-09-12T21:25:23.445-07:00

I felt inspired to write just an hour ago, but now I'm empty again. Damn it all to hell. I guess I allowed too many interruptions from text messages and phone calls. *fist raised in faux anger* Damn them all! Okay, not really.

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-85942515582809656862008-08-27T22:32:00.000-07:002008-08-27T22:33:19.581-07:00

I'm slipping. My resolve is disappearing. Oy.So very bad. :(

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-25909783848311550912008-08-20T00:56:00.000-07:002008-08-20T01:14:44.022-07:00

Seriously...frogs at the door. I went to a "BBQ" today (which, due to the incessant rain, was indoors and not so barbecue-y). And then watched a couple of episodes of a TV show I had never heard of before, called Dexter (about a serial killer that kills serial killers). Odd. Anyway, when I got home, I saw something large on the bottom of the door. I oftentimes come home to crickets, moths,

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-11841091608971448022008-08-20T00:30:00.000-07:002008-08-20T00:55:50.698-07:00

So, apparently I didn't make myself clear enough or something. And I really don't want to have to be completely to-the-point about it. Argh. I am at a loss. I'm having a hard enough time sticking with my decision to not date someone that I don't really want to date (as stupid as that sounds). But, having to flat-out reject him is not something I want to deal with. I was hoping against hope that

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-22947642100441197762008-08-05T20:05:00.000-07:002008-08-05T20:09:32.270-07:00

I had to give someone some bad news. I hate doing that. But, they are still talking to me, so that's good (I think). And even able to joke with me. There was an awkward silence for a bit, but I think we're good (mostly). Oy.

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-62963467148603414882008-08-02T14:42:00.000-07:002008-08-02T14:47:14.853-07:00

Normally I'm a homebody. I like to sit at home. It's comforting. It's a safe haven. But when I'm not allowed to leave, I go crazy. I only want to leave because I can't. I found out I have strep throat and the Dr. told me not to be around people (i.e. go to work or go do anything fun) for 36 hours after starting antibiotics. I am going nutty. I feel like crap, so I shouldn't be going anywhere

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-22775128381219428772008-07-29T19:10:00.000-07:002008-07-29T19:20:12.738-07:00

There's someone with... we'll say frostbite, and it is to the point at which the affected area needs to be amputated. However, the person keeps trying to hang on to the infected body part. That someone fights and fights with the idea of it needing to be amputated, refusing to act, even though the person knows amputation is the only way to deal with the problem. The longer the person waits, the

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-10881147273463904722008-07-22T23:37:00.001-07:002008-12-09T08:07:32.121-08:00

This one (above) is a little darker than the actual picture.This one (above) is "enhanced." I think the actual picture is somewhere between the two versions above.

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-636291151980035092008-07-20T23:09:00.000-07:002008-07-20T23:28:05.514-07:00

So, I've decided that if I can "publicize" this, I am doing good. Well, doing better. I have been denying it for hell only knows how long, and now I am going to admit it, to as many people as I am capable of admitting it to (i.e. I don't think I would be capable of admitting it to everyone at work or elsewhere because that would just be too much for me right now, plus it would be a little weird,

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-12740526680641514302008-07-20T11:47:00.000-07:002008-07-20T11:56:05.489-07:00

So, I started reading fiction again, and it's making me want to write. I'm getting all kinds of crazy ideas, but for some reason I can't bring myself to write anything. Eventually, they will slip away like the others, and be forgotten (probably forever). I don't think I have the attention span or memory to write anymore (at least not anything long). I guess I should stick to short stories or

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-43421534191561749942008-07-15T18:30:00.000-07:002008-12-09T08:07:33.246-08:00

Note. I just added a slideshow, keyword(s)= "grapefruit spoon"Unfortunately, my choice of oil pastels made it impossible (at least for me) to get details such as serrated edges (of the spoon) to work out, but here it is in a few different "poses" :

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-87256892461207700272008-07-13T13:48:00.000-07:002008-07-13T13:51:29.837-07:00

I'm in a funk. I have been for a while now. Hence the lack of posts. Apparently this time it stuck (no bouncing back with heppiness this time). I'm not sure exactly what it is or why it won't go away, but it sucks. And, it's the kind of funk where I really don't feel like writing, which sucks even worse because writing is such a fabulous way to express and conquer a funk. Oy.

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-84615096099406832962008-07-02T21:10:00.000-07:002008-07-02T21:19:33.007-07:00

I am so going to own my own business in a few years. It will be so very awesome! Yay! I found something to obsess about that isn't some stupid ridiculous "romantic" relationship. This is soooo much more productive. And makes me much happier. I have (mostly) been having some very good days since I started thinking that owning my own coffee shop might actually be feasible. Of course, it is going to

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-88820446982359825312008-07-01T21:40:00.000-07:002008-07-01T22:04:57.003-07:00

My chest tightens. There is a fast, fluttery feeling in the middle of it, as if I've had too much caffeine. At the same time, my breath goes in and out in such a way as to make my windpipe feel as if it has been torn up inside, with bits of flesh dangling every which way like streamers. There isn't really a blockage. I'm not really torn up, at least not physically. I can breathe just fine. It is

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-12867982932124478642008-06-28T23:30:00.000-07:002008-06-28T23:39:33.777-07:00

It hurts. It hurts. It hurts! *pout*I tried to take pictures, but none of them make it look as bad as it is, so I gave up. My back/shoulders/chest are super red. I have white stripes on either shoulder (from tank top straps). My face feels a little burned too, but not quite as bad. I was wearing moisturizer with minimal SPF blockage and make-up which probably helped a tiny bit, so it is not quite

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-22253715593000186862008-06-27T20:40:00.001-07:002008-06-27T20:44:55.183-07:00

Yeah, so apparently my stupid program had some little kinks or bugs or something because reinstalling it made it so that when I plugged my camera in I could finally get the pictures. Yay!I was successful. Well, mostly. Now I have to figure out where in the world the pictures ended up so that I can put some on my blogness. :)But, until then, you will just have to wait patiently. All I have right

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-4357789659398361242008-06-26T19:52:00.000-07:002008-06-26T19:53:37.165-07:00

I'm too stupid to figure out how to get the pictures off my digital camera and onto my computer. That's all I have to say on this blog for today because I am going to go back to figuring out how the hell to get pictures from my camera to my comp-ooter.Nighty night!

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-89105491241475316832008-06-25T21:16:00.001-07:002008-06-25T21:18:38.738-07:00

Mmmmm.....I want to be a legal drug peddlar. I think I shall peddle delicious, smooth, aromatic espresso beverages. Yes, yes, that is what I shall peddle.Mmmmm.....Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. Coffeeeeeee.Mmmmm.....

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-20325759468596514082008-06-24T20:14:00.000-07:002008-06-24T20:22:38.269-07:00

...or so it seems. In the last year or so I have had three books recommended to me (not by Adumb...he has recommended many others). Each of those books was a memoir written by someone who lived in the South. Do Westerners, Northwesterners, Southwesterners, Northeasterners, Midwesterners, have nothing interesting to say about their lives? Or, is there something peculiar about Southerners' lives

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-2184493703949767532008-06-23T19:12:00.000-07:002008-06-23T19:37:57.484-07:00

You might have noticed that I am focusing on horrible, junk-food. My co-worker suggested, rightly, that he didn't think I really wanted a cookie. I agreed with him, quite readily (which he didn't expect). I also told him that I didn't really want the bag of potato chips I had eaten the night before either. He stated the obvious, of course. Yes, I'm unhappy about something. Yes, I am stuffing my

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-60273949659301043542008-06-23T19:00:00.000-07:002008-06-23T19:12:25.854-07:00

...for a delicious cookie. I just wanted a cookie, a simple little (or big, rather) chocolate chip cookie from the coffee shop next door. I swear the lady who makes the cookies adds some addictive substance or something because these cookies are not that good, but I crave them more than most other cookies. Alas, the woman who delivers the cookies had not arrived by 2:55pm for whatever reason, so

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-14157424437955219672008-06-22T19:46:00.000-07:002008-06-22T19:53:38.850-07:00

Right now, I want more than anything to stuff my face. I'm not hungry. On the contrary, I just finished dinner about 30 minutes ago and I feel quite full. No, I'm not hungry at all. I'm drinking water, in part because I'm dehydrated, but also because I read somewhere that most of the time when you feel like you need to eat you really just need water. It's not helping. I still want to stuff my

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-22052381722826405522008-06-21T23:37:00.000-07:002008-06-21T23:42:35.143-07:00

...and I am so very weak. I could really use some sleep. I feel like I haven't slept in weeks. In fact, I think I'm starting to get sick because of a compromised immune system. Oy. This week has been nuts. I feel like I haven't been home for more than a few minutes at a time. That's not quite true, but that's what it feels like. Who has time for sleep when there's work, and hobbies, and a

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-43523635163240130342008-06-15T21:11:00.000-07:002008-06-15T21:27:53.246-07:00

I just had the most fabulous conversation with my dad. He and I bitched about politics for nearly an hour (after the initial, "hey, how ya doing?" and "Happy Father's Day" stuff). It was awesome. The funny thing is, an "uneducated" man in a small town in Utah has a very similar views on politics as his 20-something year old daughter with a B.A. from a small private college, who has lived in

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-52143903708187759922008-06-13T21:43:00.000-07:002008-06-13T21:52:43.040-07:00

I want to wake up in your white, white sunI want to wake up in your world with no painBut I'll just suffer in a hope to die somedayWhile you are numb all of the wayWhen I hate it I know I can feel butWhen you love you know it's not realNoWhen I hate it I know I can feel butWhen you love you know it's not realI am resigned to this wicked fucking worldOn its way to hellThe living are dead andI hope

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-40837691729750417362008-06-13T21:20:00.000-07:002008-06-13T21:24:11.639-07:00

Life is pointless. Therefore all of my values/priorities/goals are pointless. Why strive towards anything when nothing matters? Why get out of bed every day if nothing matters? Why do all the stupid things that others "require" if it is all pointless? Why make any sort of effort? What the hell is the point?

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-19611880121329727402008-06-11T19:55:00.000-07:002008-06-11T20:07:18.546-07:00

I lost my steam. I knew I should have just stayed awake all night Sunday working on my thoughts and trying to get things in order, but I got sleepy and went to bed instead.Now, it is already Wednesday, and I still have not written up any priorities. I haven't even really made a concerted effort to pin them down at all. I keep getting derailed. Other things pop up that I have to take care of.I

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-14515314860975220162008-06-08T20:02:00.000-07:002008-06-08T20:40:48.386-07:00

"one more minute you'll never get back... one more hour you'll never get back... one more day you'll never get back" -- Edge of DawnTime is interesting, as is timing. My friend Cassieopeia gave me a mixed CD today, and I listened to it on my way home. I've been feeling rather agitated the last few days, well the last few weeks, but the last few days have been bad enough that I have caught myself

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-24221639369407495422008-06-01T23:06:00.000-07:002008-06-02T00:01:23.621-07:00

I miss sitting around talking about nothing and everything at the same time. I miss having my own personal bakeress (yes, that's an official term). I miss having someone I feel I can tell basically everything. I miss having a dedicated, nonjudgemental, empathetic shoulder to cry on. I miss sharing a birthweek. I miss being part of a messed-up herd (see the movie Ice Age). I miss having someone I

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-86345698740684042182008-05-31T19:28:00.000-07:002008-05-31T19:40:38.172-07:00

I have discovered that I lack intrinsic self-worth. How lovely is that? I kind of already knew that, but it hit me pretty hard the other day. I guess I need to start with the basics...pretend that I am a 9-month old baby. Babies start out all wobbly when they try to stand with supports. Then they wobble while standing by themselves. Then, when they get that down (sort of), they move on to

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-15788465545929900722008-05-25T18:34:00.000-07:002008-05-25T19:07:21.874-07:00

Somehow I ended up right back in the building after leaping off. I'm not sure how it happened. I definitely jumped. Yet, I'm right back where I started. I was never impaled by any spikes. I didn't end up electrocuted in the moat. I set off none of the landmines. But, I'm all bandaged up, lying in a bed, unable to move. It's all I can do to look at my surroundings. They are the same as before, yet

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-53428076769012747202008-05-19T22:18:00.000-07:002008-05-19T22:46:55.020-07:00

"Look before you leap" is a phrase that many of us have heard way more times than we can count. And, truth be told, I generally follow this advice. However, there are moments, and even particular aspects of my life, for which I find it impossible to follow this advice. Or, at least, if I have looked, I still end up closing my eyes and leaping anyway, despite the known dangers. I seem incapable of

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3178535575567059073.post-76820872177538451972008-05-18T12:05:00.000-07:002008-05-18T12:18:42.172-07:00

Okay, so something managed to plug the bubble's leak (internally). Now it is floating super high, which is making me nervous. Very nervous. I've been trying to coax it down to a lower altitude, but it's not responding to my persuasions. Hmm... so I've been thinking about running away (in a couple of years) to some other country (which should explain the poll topic) for a while. I'm not sure

JustMeriMaathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02014809192867607989noreply@blogger.com2